Thing I've Learned #15: I Am Undeniably, Irrevocavbly, Without a Shadow of a Doubt, a Nerd

None of my friends know (or knew, since I have lectured them at length) who Niccolo Machiavelli is. I, lover of history, was horrified by this. Thus, I have made it my solemn mission to teach the world about Niccolo Machiavelli.

Today I bought a copy of "The Prince."

I have never felt more like a nerd in my life.

Or been more excited.

It's pretty...and purple...and satin... xD And did I mention he talks about Cesare? That, for me, is the cherry on top. Two of my favorite renaissance historical figures, all in one book. Granted, one is the author, but still.

So, my friends, do you know what time it is? It's historical lecture time! Let us begin, shall we? Cesare Borgia, son of Pope Alexander VI. Don't you just love a scandal? He lived during Machiavelli's time, which is the late 1400's to the early 1500's. Let me tell you a little something about the Borgia family: they put the f-u-n in dysfunctional family. The entire family is famous (or should I say infamous?) for nepotism. And incest, which was all the rage back then. Or, well, rumors of incest at least, between Lucrezia Borgia--Cesare's younger sister--and her father, and between Lucrezia and Cesare. (There may have also been a certain assassin thrown into this mix...or not.) And good lord, the intrigue! Not that that wasn't common in noble Italian families in the renaissance, I just happen to have taken a certain interest in this particular family. And then there was the whole matter of Cesare killing Lucrezia's second husband. Poor girl, she was really just a political pawn. Mwahaha... Ahem. I think that's a long enough rant, don't you?

Back to my version of reality, which may or may not actually be reality. I am utterly awesome, because I got my first APUSH unit test back today...and I got a friggin' 94! Which WINS AT LIFE. It's a Wednesday, which means short day and GLEE! I adore Glee. My mother dislikes it, for some unfathomable reason. And I can't seem to recall what else happened yesterday. Which is strange, considering it was only yesterday. But I do get forgetfulness from my mother. Oh! Oh! We watched part of the Lion King today in biology, because we were talking about food chains and food webs. It absolutely made my day. Now I am going to go watch a movie. Tokyo Drift? Hunchback of Notre Dame? We shall see, we shall see.

Random quote of the day: "My scandal senses are tingling!"

Thing I've Learned #14: I Have No Reason Or Desire To Go To Cat Lady Training School

Mom and I were talking about colleges today. I keep getting letters and emails from Stevens (or maybe it's Stephens) College. It is an all girls school. My mom thinks I should look at it, because she thinks I could get a scholarship. I keep saying no. Today, mom said "But they let you keep pets in your dorm! You could get a kitty!" I said, "Mom, there's no boys, and they let you have cats. I don't need to be a cat lady in training! I intend to defy my fate as long as possible!" She laughed.

Let me be honest: the idea of college makes me want to pee three shades of purple. That much work with that little supervision is like, a procrastinator's worst (or best) nightmare. However, my father, being an MIT graduate, has some pretty funny stories of campus mischief and overall college hilarity. I'm torn. But I have come to this decision: whatever college I go to must be awesome. No ifs, ands, or buts about it. It must also not be in Florida.

I still have a Homecoming hangover. And no, I don't mean an alcohol hangover. I mean an ugh-I-danced-for-four-hours-straight-and-didn't-get-home-until-2 hangover. I'm still recuperating from that atrocious lack of sleep. On that note, Homecoming was pretty freaking amazing. Aside from all the grinding. I mean really, guys. It's not even fit to be called dancing anymore. It's like...sex with clothes on. Oh, for the days of the minuet... If a guy at a school dance ever asks me to waltz, I will ask him to marry me on the spot. On the flip side of that disgusting mess, there was totally awesome food, the dance being circus themed. Emily and I had cotton candy. I wanted popcorn, but was afraid it would make me barf if I continued to dance. There was also ice cream. And chocolate fondue fountains. Win.

Yesterday, I bought a huge bottle of Mr. Bubble. Today I had a bubble bath. It completely made my day. I think I was in the tub for at least an hour. It's amazing what warm water, a little soap, and a good book can do to improve your mood. Sarah and I also went to the giant Halloween store today. We tried on hats, roared at Frankenstein, I tried to kill her with a wooden sword, and she displayed her sick sense of humor. I bought a tube of blue lipstick. I'm not exactly sure why.

Today in Chinese, we had to do a "complete the dialogue" worksheet. I worked with Caelin. The first sentence was, "Where does your boyfriend work?" Our answer? "He is Santa Claus." I am now sure I have a firm grasp of the Chinese language.

Thing I've Learned #13: When the Football Goes Across the Line at the End of the Field, Someone Gets a Point

So I went to my second football game ever last night. And I have to say, I know a lot more about football than I did twenty four hours ago. Which is still not much, but I'm quite proud of myself. The first football game I went to was two years ago, and then I only screamed when everyone else was screaming. This time I actually picked up enough to know when to scream on my own. I think that's a huge accomplishment.

This game was pretty epic though. We lost. But two guys had to be taken off the field in an ambulance. Which makes me wonder: what kind of football are they playing down there?! Anyway, it was pretty exciting. At one point, some guy was running with the ball and jump clear over someone who fell down in front of him. I was excited. But due to the two ambulance runs, the game took almost four hours. I got home way past my bedtime. :(

Today we were supposed to have writer's club, but nobody could come. Which, I have to say, pissed me off a little bit. Because I got there, and no one was there. Guys, I don't mind it if you can't come, but would you tell me, please? Other than that, today was rather boring. I cleaned my room, because it was crazier than Tartarus. And I know, because I was there. Then I took a shower and watched The Lion King. I intended to watch Aladdin, but I when I put it in there was a commercial for The Lion King, and I was like, "OH! I want to watch THAT." So I did. And now, I'm getting ready for the Homecoming dance, which is tonight. At the Hard Rock. God, I love our school. I'm going with a bunch of friends, seeing as I am eternally dateless. Not that I mind, because I'd much rather have a girl's night out.

Friends are forever, boys are whatever.

Thing I've Learned #12: I Am In Need of a Gay Best Friend

There are no hot guys at my school. It's utterly unfair. Some are sort of cute, but none of the guys I know, of course. My classes are full of jerks or nerds. Not that I mind nerds. In fact, I rather like them. They just aren't cute. Well some of them are, but the ones in my school aren't. Why bring this up? Glee was on last night, and since we TiVo it, I just got around to watching it tonight. :D If Kurt was not gay, I would marry him. As is, I'd be fine with being his best friend. As long as I could borrow his clothes. Lord I need a gay best friend. Seriously. I hear they make wicked shopping buddies.

I had riding lesson today, and my pony was awesome. I'm so proud of him; he's getting over his irrational fear of jumps. But he's still terrified of Judy's chicken. None the less, I am filled with a healthy amount of apprehension about taking him to an away show next month. Eep! He could win, you know, because he's wicked fast. He's just...terrified of everything. It's actually quite funny. Well, sometimes. His freak outs get old really fast.

I finally talked to McKenzie today. I suppose ranted at is probably a more accurate verb. She actually asked me to tell her about my story. Bad idea, my dear. I think we talked for two hours, and I only told her the basics. I'm such a doting mother.

I have lost all respect for my APUSH teacher, Mr. Lange. He doesn't know what Yu-Gi-Oh is.

Thing I've Learned #11: I Am Secretly Six Years Old

I love Wednesdays because we get out of school an hour early. I'm not sure why, but we do. And I got out even earlier today because I had a doctor's appointment. Which I did not love, because I got a shot. But I got to read for quite a while because we waited forever.

Then we bought toys. I'm not even kidding. I needed a pair of black hose for homecoming this weekend, so we went to k-mart. I perused the aisle of clearance toys, and a Christmas-shopping-for-younger-cousins-spree ensued. I haven't had that much fun in ages. I am definitely six on the inside. I'm going to try to convince my mom to let me keep the Batcycle. And the playmobile viking fort. Awesome.

Then came Target, where I bought a lot of purple plaid. I got a pair of pajama shorts, which are purple plaid. And then...I found purple plaid duct tape. I tossed a roll in the cart. Mom said, "What are you going to use that for?" I said, "I don't know, but I NEED it."

We spent forever at a really slow restaurant, stopped by Kohls and the Walmart grocery store, then went by Sarah's so my mom could order some of her little sister's cookie dough. I acquired a catalogue full of win while I was there. And I literally mean full of win. It's pretty much a medieval clothing catalogue. I think I died of sheer awesome when I cracked it open!

So, all things considered, today: good. Math test tomorrow: bad. Arm hurting from the shot: bad. Tomorrow being Thursday: really bad.

Thing I've Learned #10: My Mother Drives The Yeti

So I drove home from the barn today. I hate driving. Especially in traffic. Every time a car passes me or pulls up behind me I start chanting "Don't touch me don't touch me don't touch me..." in my head. Seriously, driving scares the pee out of me. I'm deathly afraid of being in an accident. Even more so now that five people I know have been in an accident in the past two weeks, and my mother and I were almost part of one twice. Supplementing this fear is the fact that I've had nightmares about driving ever since I was little. I had one last night, actually. A cop tried to shoot me because I parked in the wrong space. It was terrifying.

But that is not what I have learned today. My mother's car is a beast. Not beast, A beast. It's a Mazda cx-9 affectionately referred to as the Momzda. That is not what I drive. I drive her old car, a Subaru outback. Anyway, I walked by the white monstrosity in the garage today, and patted it absentmindedly, calling it "the white beast." It occurred to me that a name like that makes it a Yeti of sorts. It has now been dubbed "Snowbeast."

My poor little Subaru does not have a name.

In other news, I get to rant about my characters now, because one of them just got a name today, and that excites me. Allow me to explain a little something first: when the concept of a character is first born, a name is not necessarily attached. Characters choose their own name in time; this is a process that cannot be rushed. Which, let me tell you, is quite annoying as a writer. But it is what it is, and a character's name being discovered is a cause for much celebration amongst writerly friends. Back to said character. He decided his name is Desirata de le Mar, and he is an obnoxious bitch. I know its kind of a strange and girly name, but that's why I like it. You hear it and you think, "Come on, no one is ACTUALLY named that." He's a minor character who's sole purpose in the story (and perhaps in his entire life) is to antagonize Ciro, my nobleman main character, and torment Ciro's servant/best friend/ex-whore, Ha'ri. And to throw temper tantrums. You can't have an obnoxious, bitchy nobleman who doesn't throw temper tantrums. It's unheard of. You know, Desirata is starting to remind me of Saith a bit. This frightens me in a not altogether unpleasant way. Saith, by the way, is a character from a different story who's sole purpose is to cause trouble, look sexy, act bitchy, and provide an "creative outlet" for Donae's sexual frustration.

Oh lord. I just read that last sentence and it sounds like the back of a slutty romance novel! I should go die now. But it's not my fault that Donae and Saith happen to be the two sluttiest characters in that particular story. Actually, you know, they're pretty much my two sluttiest characters ever. (Especially Donae.) But it's not my fault! Donae is the demon of lust. And Saith, being demon of envy, just wants what 'Nae has and is therefore a sycophant. I plead not guilty! Not guilty!

But back to Desirata. As Sarah said once, "Come to the dark side, we have power, sex, and eternal glory." Which is not completely true, considering the third item is often reserved for the hero that defeats said convert to the dark side, but it's an excellent phrase nonetheless. Des certainly has the first two. Maybe he's a prince? I'm not sure. He's certainly an aristocrat, and possibly Spitalian. Which is Spanish and Italian, for those of you who are slow like me. Cesare Borgia is Spitalian too, but I'll save that historical/fangirl rant for another day. :D Right, we're talking about my characters, right! Haha. Well, Des has black hair pulled back in a ponytail and green eyes, he's pretty, but he's got a mean look to him too, if those two things can go together. It irks me, how well I can see my word children in my head, but how bad I am at describing them. It now occurs to me that I've been rambling. A summary: Desirata is a nobleman. He is a snotty bastard. He is also very beautiful but an utter ass. He like to beat up my main character, which makes him the bad guy. Well, that got a lot more accomplished a lot quicker. I apologize for my pointless and slightly idiotic rant.

A final note: we were suppose to record ourselves more in Chinese today. My group drew zombies and dinosaurs on a piece of paper.

Thing I've Learned #9: Alexander Hamilton and Aaron Burr May or May Not Have Had a "Thing"

Funny story behind that, see. Generally, I love my APUSH class. Not because I love the work or the lessons, oh no, but because that class is my comic relief. Mr. Lange is awesome, for one, and we have a bunch of idiots in our class, two. We were talking about the post-Revolutionary period today; namely Jefferson being elected president, and something concerning Aaron Burr. I don't remember. I was laughing too hard, and the reason is this: Mr. Lange was saying something about how Hamilton was turning somebody against Burr for some reason or another, and he said "Yeah, they had a bit of a thing for several months." To which half the class, myself included, replied, "A thing?" in a suggestive tone of voice. "Not a sexual thing," Mr. Lange assured us, "They just didn't get along." Sure, Mr. Lange, sure. I personally choose to believe OTHERWISE.

Today I heard that indigo has been removed from the light spectrum. First Pluto, my favorite planet, and now indigo, my favorite color! I don't what to believe! Has my whole life been a lie?! NOTHING MAKES SENSE ANYMORE! The only bright side to this being when I'm an 80 year old grandma I can say to my little grand kids, "You know children, when I was your age, Pluto was a planet!"

On the unfried side of today, I have made up my mind that my father is definitely the reincarnation of John Adams, and not an alien as I had previously believed. In Chinese today we had to get in groups and record ourselves reading and translating a passage. It was very exciting; we got to use an ancient cassette player. Caelin was in my group, and when we hit record he began to say the lesson number we were working on, and list all of our names. I leaned forward and roared into the cassette player. I win. This evening we had a choir rehearsal thing, and I got to hang out with my buddy, Nairely, who I rarely see during school. After the rehearsal, she ran down one of the aisles in the auditorium, screaming "THIS IS SPARTA!" at the top of her lungs. I was reminded as to why I love her so much.

Is it really still only Monday? I swear it feels like half the week has already gone by, only it hasn't. I hate Mondays.

Thing I've Learned #8: Never Do Today What You Can Put Off Until Tomorrw

I'll be the first to admit it: I'm a procrastinator. I had a good amount of APUSH homework assigned, like, Thursday, and waited to do it all until today.

I am pleased with my decision.

I spent what, two, three hours on homework, and got to do a bunch of awesome procrastinator stuff as well. Like read through a three inch high stack of papers, most of them being rather interesting and generally terrible stories I wrote in...oh, seventh grade or so. I got quite a kick out of them. You see, I have this terrible habit (had, more accurately, I kicked it last November) of starting stories somewhere vaguely in the middle and writing them in bits and pieces, scene by scene. So most of these papers were...pieces of a puzzle, so to speak. And I have no idea anymore of what the entire puzzle was supposed to look like. It's really kind of sad, when you think about it. I had a bunch of really awesome ideas, I'm sure. Anyway, aside from exploring the 3/5 of a dead rain forest, I read a bit, Facebooked, stared at the wall...went and rode my horse... He was really, really good today, in case anyone cares. And when I got home I took a shower and watched Sinbad. I adore that movie. When I was about 11, that, along with Spirit and Ice Age, was my favorite movie in the world. McKenzie and I watched them to death. And as you have probably guessed, I still watch them. Frequently. A week or so ago, I don't remember why, but I got the urge to watch Sinbad. Finally got around to it today. Best movie ever. Seriously. Eris is my hero. I mean, really. I could be the Goddess of Chaos. My room is practically Tartarus already. And you know what, hell with Sinbad. Proteus is such a nice guy. I don't know what Marina was thinking, dumping him. I'd rather have a prince than a thief any day. But you know, that could be my attraction to British accents. Or my prejudice against Brad Pitt. Either way, Proteus is definitely more awesome in my eyes. But you know what my favorite thing about that movie is? The random adult humor that 11 year olds don't get. Every time, and I literally mean every time I watch that movie, I understand or notice a reference I didn't get last time. Animated movies may be childish, but I swear they're made for the grown-ups that have to watch them with their kids a million times.

And you know what? In spite of all that procrastination, I still got my homework done. Take that, mom.

Thing I've Learned #7: September is a Fairly Useless Month

Today was EB's birthday party, despite the fact that her actual birthday was the end of August. Sarah got her a NaNoWriMo noveling kit thingy, which got me thinking about November again. My opinion is this: September should be skipped. We should have gone straight to October after August. Then it would almost be November! I'm dying to write my novel! To put it simply, it's pretty much a bunch of hot guys making out. But that makes it sound shallow and slutty, and it isn't, really! Whatever, I'm itching to get it on paper.

Speaking of EB's party, it was pretty much sheer awesome. We went to Arabian Nights, which if you don't know is a dinner show where you watch a bunch of pretty horses do cool stuff. At one point there was a chariot race, and oh lord, EB and I were pretty much the loudest people on our side of the arena. They split the audience into sides, one for each chariot racer, and the other team's guy was named Brutus. EB and I were practically jumping up and down screaming "CAESAR KILLER! CAESAR KILLER!" at the top of our lungs. And they played music from Ben Hur, which excited me. EB, Emily, Sarah, Liz, and I all squeezed into EB's sister's car for the ride there and back. Everyone else rode with EB's mom. That was easily the most epic car ride of my life. We listened to loud music, and on the way back we played a rather interesting version of I'm Going on a Picnic. You know, the game where you say "I'm going on a picnic and I'm going to bring..." and then you take turns saying things in alphabetical order and you have to repeat everything the last person said. So, for example, "I'm going on a picnic and I'm bringing apples." And the next person would say "I'm going on a picnic and I'm going to bring apples and bananas." And so on and so forth. I mentioned that I had played "I'm going to Middle Earth and I'm going to bring..." with Hannah, where we could only say things out of Lord of the Rings. We decided to play "I'm Going to Hogwarts" on the way home. It. Was. Awesome.

Once we got to EB's house we played a bunch of silly games outside, like Ninja and Bang and Duck, Duck, Goose. Which ending up being more of a Duck, Duck, CAR! because we played in the middle of the road. Mostly because we didn't have anywhere else big enough for all of us to stand in a circle, but I like to think it's because we all like to live life on the edge.

Is September over yet?! WAAAAKE ME UUUUP, WHEN SEPTEMBER EEEEEENNNDS!

Thing I've Learned #6: Weekends Are a Gift From God

I don't have too terribly much to talk about today. I'm just extremely glad that it's Friday. As a follow up from yesterday, I came to school to find a gigantic hole in the courtyard where the offending bubbling sidewalk was. I still say ninja turtles. Emily claims they're burying a body. Chelsea swears it's the mole people. Aside from that (or really in addition to that) today was good. No math homework, hung out with Sarah after school. We spent like, an hour in the bookstore. I got a gajillion books. I love books. And then we watched 1776, which is probably my favorite musical ever. "Goddammit, it's a revolution, you're going to have to offend somebody!" I suspect that my father is John Adams reincarnated. Or an alien. He might be an alien.

Tomorrow I have to get up (relatively) early for a three hour choir retreat: not fun. E.B's birthday party is tomorrow evening: fun. Have to clean my room before I can go: not fun. Will probably watch Aladdin/Sinbad/Winnie the Pooh/Troy: fun.

Watch movies the rest of the weekend: fun.

Is it just me, or are these blogs getting significantly shorter?

Thing I've Learned #5: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Live Under My School

They didn't believe me. For the past week, there have been mysterious bubbles floating up from the extremely shallow puddle on the sidewalk in front of our lunch spot, and my friends didn't believe me. I am certain it is Ninja Turtles. Every time I pointed it out, as soon as they would turn around, the bubbles would stop.

Michelangelo, he mocks me.

Anyway. Today at lunch, mid-conversation, I made a strangled squeaky sort of noise and pointed, yet again, at the bubbles. This time, my friends actually caught it. We watched, and a minute or so later a couple of plumbers came up and started poking at where ever the heck those bubbles were coming from. Lunch ended. At the end of the day, Sarah and I discovered the mysterious tract of sidewalk fenced off, and the sound of a jackhammer on the air.

They're just jealous because they don't know nun chucks from a katana.

In other not-as-exciting news: our choir teacher told us to make animal noises today; I was a dinosaur. My biology teacher likes David Bowie and making dead baby jokes. Today was picture day, and I'm sure my smile will come out looking maniacal, as usual. Kate my riding instructor has bad luck. My spazz-tastic pony was spazz-tastic as usual, but also braver than usual. He jumped an oxer with flowers underneath. I am very proud. I ordered my class ring; I'm more excited about the ring pop they gave me than the actual ring. Played the piano with my dad for half an hour, which was fun, because I haven't touched the beastly thing in ages. I have math homework, but hell with it because I'm tired beyond belief and tomorrow is FRIDAY! Thank god.

Thing I've Learned #4: Leonidas Sucks as a Pokemon Trainer

I have a new best friend. For the past several weeks I've been having a conversation via science table with a person, who I believe is a fellow female due to the loopy-ness of their handwriting. It began like this: my biology table mates, as I have oft complained, are utter ass hats. Out of boredom and exasperation, I scrawled "Optimus Prime is full of win!" on the table top. She replied, "You're full of win."
The rest of the conversation was as follows:
"Why thank you. So are you."
"What's your name?"
"Megatron."
It was the beginning of a beautiful friendship. That conversation was, unfortunately, erased, but I, now known as Megatron, was determined to start another. Monday (after watching 300 on Friday) I wrote, "This is madness!" hoping for the response of "This is SPARTA!" This is what I got:
"Megatron?"
"Yeah, I'm looking for some new career opportunities and I'm thinking of working for Leonidas."
"Really? Cool. I worked for him for a while, but he sucks as a Pokemon trainer."
"That's a shame. I wonder if Captain Kirk has any positions open?"

I can't wait to go back tomorrow.

Speaking of Leonidas. As I have mentioned many, many times already, 300 was on TV on Friday. I taped it on my DVR as well as watched it. Today is Wednesday, and every Wednesday my parents go to choir practice at church and I am left in blessed solitude for several hours. I was going to watch 300 again, this time with the volume up all the way to scare the neighbors. After school I watched a taped episode of Design Star with my mother, and discovered that my father had deleted 300. I am pissed. I am ROYALLY pissed. However, I do have A Cinderella Story taped as well. 300 it is not. But hey, I'm all for a cheesy chick flick!

One last thought on Optimus Prime and fellow transformers. I was in Walmart today with my mother and Sarah. We discovered the children's Halloween costumes. Guess who I'm going to be for Halloween?! xDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

Thing I've Learned #3: We Don't Need a Fountain of Youth, We Need a Fountain of Smart

I got 100% on my APUSH quiz today. I am very pleased.

And you know, I did my homework and read the chapter in the textbook, but I didn't really study. I've always been like this, not needing to study and still getting good grades. (Except for math. Math is the epic failure of my life.) I got the good memory from my dad. (His mathematical genius, not so much.) But that's not my point. My point is this: there's a difference between being ignorant, and being stupid. There is absolutely nothing wrong with being ignorant. That is simply not knowing, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with not knowing. (Or not remembering.) You can learn. Even if it's not easy, you can ALWAYS learn. Stupidity, on the other hand... Stupidity is not so easily cured.

Example: the two jackasses at my biology table. They provide a prime example of both cases. They are ignorant because they know nothing about biology aside from the animals they've seen splattered on the side of the road. That's okay, because I'm sure (hopeful?) they'll get their asses in gear and actually learn the subject as the year progresses. They are stupid, because they insist on pestering me and hitting on me. And when they do, I punch them. Do they stop? No, because they are stupid.

Another example of stupidity, albeit a four-legged one. Today I had my riding lesson. Horses, get your minds out of the gutter. :D I rode a lovely black and white paint by the original name of Oreo. Oreo is a very, very stupid horse. He's a pretty horse, and he's got a lot of potential talent, but phew! is he dumb. He tries to run over you every time you put him back in his stall, regardless of how many times you yell at him or smack him. And here's the kicker: he can't seem to figure out how to jump. He sort of...trips over all the jumps. That's the best way I can describe it. You'd have to see it. Needless to say, he got the snot beaten out of him today. Heh heh. I may be tiny, but Kate (that's the owner of the barn) lets me ride the difficult horses, 'cause I don't take no crap from NO horse, not no way, not no how. Which is why I always get stuck with the "problem children." My first horse, Lillie, she was a real piece of work. God, I loved that horse to death, but she was a reeeaaaaaaaal piece of work. She was a teenager, in people years, and she was female. I'm sure you all know how teen girls act, and what do you know, horses are no different. I recall one incident specifically, because everyone at the barn talked about it for weeks after. When Lillie was angry, or tired, or just felt like it, she bucked. I don't remember what set her off, but she reared up and kicked out with her back legs while her front feet were still in the air. I didn't fall off. I've been famous for my "Velcro butt" ever since. My current horse is an adorable little pony named Bond, James Bond. Oh, lawdy lawdy lawdy. If you look up "spazz" in the dictionary, I promise you there will be a picture of my horse. He's afraid of two things: things that move, and things that don't. There's also the other random, assorted freakazoids I get put on. Cybil, who gets so excited about jumping she forgets how to stop. And Jazzy isn't a freakazoid, per se, she just likes to scare the shit out of me for no apparent reason. Cybil and Jazzy are also roughly the size of a dinosaur. Cybil even makes noises like one. So there I am, tiny little me, stuck on horse-a-saurus. Can't I ever catch a break and ride a good horse? But I digress.

This is what I think: What's-his-face, Balboa or de Gama or whatever, he should have been looking for brain water, because honestly, we have quite enough youth, thank you very much. (Madonna may beg to differ.)

In relation, or at least partially in relation, because it doesn't have anything to do with stupidity but it has a lot to do with what I think, Sarah and I decided today that we should invent a time machine. (Well, not invent, really. Neither of us have the smarts or ability to do so. I'm thinking find and commandeer one. :D Someones got to have one, right? Area 51...the Japanese...) Wouldn't that be AWESOME, though? I want to go meet my twin muses. I'll not get into them now. It's too long of a story. I'd have so much fun. Ancient Egypt, ancient Greece, the Roman empire...the Renaissance...fwee! I wonder how Alexander the Great would react to a couple of fangirls? I need to learn how to say, "I love you, marry me" in Greek before we go, because I intend to find myself a Spartan husband. Jeez, I'm such a nerd. So, about that time machine...anybody have any idea where to start? Maybe the Batcave...

Thing I've Learned #2: Mermaids Go "Mehr! Mehr!"

People say funny things when they think no one else is listening. I admit I am guilty of this. Today at lunch my friends E.B., Sarah, and I were discussing the mating call of a mermaid, which sounds something like "Mehr!" How do we know this? E.B.'s married to the mermaid prince, of course. It's kind of a long story which involves the first day of the worst week of my life and 17 dead jellyfish. That aside, it didn't occur to us that the noises we were making were not normal by any definition of the word until we got a strange look or two from passers-by. On the flip side, from one of said passers-by we caught the phrase, "Who's pregnant?!"

But that is not, by any means, the strangest thing I've casually and accidentally eavesdropped. Take this, for example. Sarah and I were walking down the hall to class and heard from behind us, one guy say to another, "My pants are falling down, pull them up for me." And you know when that sudden, often awkward silence descends on the classroom out of nowhere? You can usually catch the end of someones sentence, and it is often quite amusing.

As a result of my tendency to listen in on other's conversations, I often wonder what said other's think, hearing mine.
"He cut her up and hid her in a tree, right?"
"No, he only stabbed her."

"If he had a baby, it would be a girl."
"Nonono, he's asexual, it would have to be a boy!"

"So, they do end up sleeping together."
"Finally! Was it earth shattering?"

"There's mermaid sperm floating around in the ocean!"

"Your intestines are MINE!"

"It's a, you know..."
"Brothel!"

Case in point.

In other news, my day at a glance: today in choir I was asked to draw a picture of what sound my choir teacher, Mr. Linfors, Linfors, The Linfors-Be-With-You, makes. I drew a stick figure with claws yelling "RAWR!" I win. The idiots sitting at my table in Biology lost our lab report. Hello, zero. Math was a fail as usual. Sarah distracted me with sexy Italians, but I persevered and finished an entire page of homework. My willpower is heroic. My APUSH teacher thinks my name is Emily. In AP Lang...nothing exciting happened. In Chinese, we defied Mrs. Sun as usual. Mohammad ate an entire head of lettuce in approximately one bite. I discussed Optimus Prime with Caelin, and zombies with Einstein. Five minutes ago, I changed my Facebook language to Pirate. Best decision of my life.

Thing I've Learned #1: Sanity is Not All It's Cracked Up to Be

We live in a fascinating world, my friends, and if you're too busy being 'normal,' how can you possible hope to enjoy it?! For instance: today I saw a grown woman ride across a parking lot on a shopping cart. Kudos to you, lady. Anyway, my point here is that it's perfectly acceptable to reject reality. That's why I'm a writer, see, I get to ignore reality on a daily basis. I also get to stay up until 2:00 AM claiming 'inspiration.' So, you ask, what IS this blog going to be about. Sanity, more like the lack there of, to put it in a sentence. More specifically, this blog is about my view of the world: the pretty bits, the ugly bits, the truth and the lies, the awe and the disappointment. It will also probably be a lot about my word babies.

Let me tell you something about writers.

We are a strange species, us writers. One of our more peculiar and potentially irritating quirks is that we think of our characters as real people. And to us, they are. They are our children, and we love them as such. My friends (who are also afflicted with the writing curse) and I discuss our characters as if we had just finished having a face-to-face conversation with them. Another habit that often accompanies this is the tendency to speak to your characters out loud. I heard a story once that explains this phenomenon perfectly. A woman speaks of how her husband had become used to her talking to her characters while she writes. But one day, he asked her why she didn't just talk to them in her head. Her response? "Because they won't LISTEN!"

My purpose for informing you of this is that I am as likely to talk about my beloved characters as I am to talk about my family and friends. But enough for now, I assure you I'll be speak much more about writing once November rolls around. November, by the way, is National Novel Writing Month, or NaNoWriMo for those of us who brave it's insanity.

Another thing I believe I will speak on frequently is history. I, oddities of oddities, actually LIKE history. Gasp. As a result, I tend to rant on subjects that I am passionate about. So I apologize if you have any qualms against learning something new and/or interesting. But don't worry too much, I promise it won't read like a lecture. I only talk about the things I love. Like Spartans. I love Spartans. 300 is my second favorite movie in the world. Truthfully, my favorite thing about watching it is hearing the horrified, squeaky cries my mother makes when that one guy whose name I never remember gets his head cut off. It makes me laugh, and then she makes more horrified noises because she thinks that I'm laughing at the dead guy. I love my mom. Actually, that wasn't truthfully. That was a lie. The #1 reason I love watching that movie is because damn, those guys are hot. It delights me that they seem to have miraculously lost their breastplates. The #2 reason I love watching that movie is my mother.

So now you know what you're getting in to (more or less.) The only thing I can assure you with any amount of certainty is that my posts will cover many, many more topics than the ones I touched on. Like Batman. Batman wins at life.